There must be a reason

For why we dont do the things we think want to do even though they are actually attainable. For why when a lifelong dream actually opens up in front of us we shrink away. Most of the time I wonder about who is in charge in here, in my body, in my brain. If "I", the one talking to you, was in charge..I would be just like everybody else. Ok the end of that last sentence came out of nowhere..so because somebody convinced us we were special at some point that means we have to separate ourselves from the rest by becoming, what on the surface is only fair to refer to as bums, losers, slackers, wastes of space? Are we actually doing something more meaningful with our time? I sure as hell don't see any evidence of that. And we are not alone. We are right on schedule for this type of thing. What age do you think hippies were? I guess it takes a kid to drag you out of it. Is that all we're good for? Is that the only thing that can give our lives purpose? I had purpose once. Resolve. It was nice. But what was it good for? If I had followed that path I would have continued screaming in my own head to drown out that SOMETHING. Man do we all do a good job pushing whatever that is away. TV, food, sex, career. We could do all these things. But we would simply be ignoring..what? What?