Procrastination

Procrastination?  What is it?  How can I do more of it?

It would be difficult to actually do MORE of it.  That would probably require more caffeine and less sleep.

But let's for a moment turn a life-long negative into temporary positive.  How do I exactly excel at procrastination?


First, I avoid measurable goals.  Because they can be measured.  And then it's harder to procrastinate.  See how that works?


Second, avoid setting short-term goals.  If you have a measurable goal in the long-term, whatever you do don't break it into parts.  Seriously.


Other suggestions.  Change your goals.  If you do that enough, your "responsible" self will actually temporarily (?) give up on you and decide that it would prefer to watch hulu than deal with this impossibly plastic and uncertain subconscious. 


Also, try to avoid interpersonal responsibilities.  If you have to make measurable goals, do it only with yourself.  In that case, when you fail to complete them, you only have the threat of letting yourself down, not anyone else.  Your reputation, such as it is, remains intact.


What else?  Believe the hype on multitasking.  This allows you to avoid getting in the "flow" when working on difficult tasks.  It keeps your mind from fulling engaging and taking on whatever you're "working on."


Believe in the futility of effort.  Believe that "everything will work out" and if it doesn't, that everyone dies anyway. 


Give up on your dreams.  Not completely, but enough.  Like the memories of a dream the morning after you had it - vague recollections, in the past, and destined to be forgotten completely outside of passing moments of deja vu. That way they will not motivate you in your moments of uncertainty and doubt.

Do not start.  Whatever you do, do not start.  Starting creates momentum.  Demand that if you start, you must finish - refuse to provide yourself the encouragement, the time, and the progressive progress that is required for any great effort.  Starting will rob you of biggest asset as a procrastinator: fear and its complement, confidence.

Dial back all goals.  Okay, you've abandoned your initial goals.  But instead of resetting them, allow them to fade and gently nag at you in the distance.  Allow the goals to fall one by one, revealing a final path of least resistance to death - then exclaim, one more time, that it's all pointless anyway.

Why is the nagging important?  It tires you out.  The body build muscle while you rest, rather than when you're "working out".  If you don't want to develop a sense of enthusiasm, self-esteem, and other potential enemies of self-esteem, then don't given yourself actual time to rest.  Always procrastinate - never rest.

Additionally, taste the magic of last-minute inspiration.  Taste the sweetness of authenticity that comes with the clear-mindedness of panic.  Taste it, remember it, and compare all other efforts to it.  And realize that you are best in last-minute mode.  And that you can't get in last-minute mode without procrastinating.  To do your best, you have to procrastinate.  Makes sense, doesn't it?

So procrastinate!  Do it!  It's awesome. 

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