sludge

I've noticed that my clarity increases as I relinquish the hold that I have given food over my brain. as it stands, it acts as a massive sweep to brush away higher knowing. (forgive the syntax in this one I've just made the mistake of reading some blogger who completely abuses the english language in the hopes that people will recognize that he knows big words. as you may or may not know I take on the style of whichever author I have most recently read.) Finding the 7 of diamonds in a deck of cards was taking me no more than 3 tries at one point during the day that I had not eaten. upon my return from 7-11 it was as if it was nowhere to be found, though leafing through the deck one by one it finally appeared on the second pass. the second pass. 'Please', I say to myself as I stuff my face, as I fire up the parts of my brain that are the loudest, like a jet engine, 'please let this make it go away.' There are thoughts lurking in my mind that I do not want to hear. I will disfigure my own body to avoid them. please.

I want to crash into them. I want to run and crash right into them. I want to see what happens.

nope, that is a lie. I am afraid.