more thoughts

[from about a week and a half ago... current thoughts not quite in order.]

in no particular order...

1) Ethiopian man just asked me what my profession is.  They always ask - everyone.  At least in the United States we have the sense to ask merely, "what do you do [these days until you find your true calling because life is tough in America]?"  Here it's straight up: what's your profession?  You get the idea that everyone everywhere thinks you're an idiot if you live in America, can form complete sentences, and are not an engineer, doctor, lawyer, or PhD.  Like, a straight-up idiot.

America's the land of opportunity and if you can't grasp it - there's about 150 million egyptians and ethiopians who would be glad to take it.

2) Money.  It's all about money.  Not that that isn't already on the mind of everyone in the US.  But here too: why do ethiopians eat faster than Americans?  Because they need to get back to work.  (Actual conversation.)  Why use the word "employee" for both Americans and Ethiopians?  They mean totally different things: different salary, different hours, different benefits.  Not the same thing.  This is what he tells me.  And that I should start my own business if there are no jobs.  "No boss!"

3) People ask me (part 2) about my job.  I basically lie.  It's embarrassing not having a career and approaching 30, talking to people who want 1/10 of the "opportunity" that I have.  So I tell them teaching - then that I don't have a job - then that I hope to get a PhD.  Just falls out of my mouth like either a well-placed lie or some sort of oracle talking through me.

4) I once made myself proud by declaring that "If you're asking yourself "who am I?", you're already on the wrong track."  It seemed the perfect anti-philosophy philosophy, and I more or less still stick to it.  At least in the sense that you need an answer to do anything of substance.  Self-definition is not a philosophically necessary step, but meant to existentially support decisions - but you don't need it.

5) I think I will retire at least abroad.  It is cheap, it can be very healthy, and it is interesting.  I like the idea of my children visiting me on the beaches of Costa Rica.  So much agony is spent saving for retirement... why stay in the United States?  Medicare?

6) I met one of the most inspiring people ever in Egypt.  Her name is Sarah, and she is studying medicine, and she speaks four languages, and sneaks around her parents to meet foreigners and show them around.  She is also attractive, open-minded, and actively bucks against the fucked-up expectations and constraints of Muslim egypt.

7) Which brings me to Fiby. She works at the internet cafe in alexandria, and I charmed her.  She tells me she loves me, but I think this means something different in Egypt.  More interestingly, men took to calling her "whore" in arabic when we walked together up and down the corniche.  But I couldn't understand them, except one, who I had the total pleasure of telling to fuck off, then staring at him as I imagined crushing his skull - no joke.  I tried to communicate it just through my eyes while smiling.  Effective, I think.  I created an eleborate plan to start swearing off other guys quickly, and then saying "nice to meet you", as they were doing to me.  Never had to come into use, but was ready.

8) America is on the top.  It is difficult to be on the top.  Maybe you do not want to be on the top, but the middle.  But that is not America or what it represents.  So we leave, try something else, avoid, switch places with those foreigners - Chinese? - who want to be on the top.  Why would anyone not want to be on the top?

9) There are no white people in Ethiopia.  I literally talk to every white person I see - anywhere - here.  It's fun, and I'm going to talk to the white girl in the computer lab when either of us finishes.

10) I told Sarah that she was the future.  She was the living, breathing future - not of Arabs but of everyone.  Seemingly sure of herself, throwing herself abroad with few resources, and with a deep well-spring of independent thought - coupled with intelligence and perfectionism.  Inspiring. I am hoping to host her in Santa Barbara, if she can make it there.  I wanted to give her the Egyptian/Greek sweets I bought before leaving, but was too hungry to part with them.  Of course, she'd be well-fed in Santa Barbara.

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